Here is the first page of a sales letter that can be used with this item.

From: J. Squirrel

Are ya nuts?

Everybody’s gone.  I crawled in through the window. Overheard them talking about YOU.  I guess you might be offended by this, but they were wondering right out loud if you were nuts!  (It was the mention of nuts that got my attention.)

Why would they think you’re nutty?

‘Cuz a few weeks ago, Keith Lee, the President of American Retail Supply, sent you all the information about Retail Success 2006, American Retail Supply’s FREE Client Appreciation Conference & Expo, and offered you his personal, Make-You-Happy GUARANTEE --- and, well, it DOES seem a little nutty that you didn’t reply.  Heck, Keith even offered to refund you the documented cost of your airfare, hotel room, and give you $100.00 for your time if you honestly felt he overstated the value of this event.

They were talking about some of the excuses why other clients, have not yet registered.  (Here are the best ones that have come in so far):

1.    Already so rich I use $100.00 bills to (use deleted due to FCC rules).
2.    Need to take the Lear Jet in for its tune up.
3.    Promised Brad and Angelina I’d baby-sit.
4.    Way too busy working hard to learn how to work smart.

Well, look, here’s what I’m worried about.  I get blamed for a lot around here.  Like breaking in and stealing the cashews out of the dish in the lobby. Which I do.  So, hey, what I wanted to say is: DON’T BLAME ME if you’re nuts enough to miss all this.